A week after Matilda left us here on earth, I returned to work. Matilda’s friends/dog walkers returned to take care of her siblings, Livvie and Kessie, the kooky rat terriers. This is what Michael had to say on that first day (October 14th):
“It’s going to take some time to get used to this. I hope your first day back felt somewhat stable. I know whenever I’ve thought of her in the past few days I remember that little gushy feeling I got when I saw her swing her head up at me for attention…Even the last time I saw her. It reminds me how even at her most painful and confused moments, she cared about sharing her love more than anything. I won’t soon forget her”.
Anthony wrote that he felt comforted that Matilda’s water bowls were still out, filled with water. He said it made him feel more “with her.”
It made me realize how important that bowl stand had been. All through the chemo, Matilda was a little weak, and preferred being hand fed on the couch or her dog bed. I also cooked for her when she didn’t want dog food any more.
When she finished chemo in June, she was happy to come to her bowl, and eat from it. She preferred dog food, and would come into the kitchen when she heard the spoon clank against the bowl, when I mixed the wet food in with the kibble. She would dance around a bit.
In the last week of her life, she did the funniest thing. I was in the process of filling the small dogs’ water bowls which were under hers. I had just gotten to hers. She was thirsty, apparently, and went over to the bowl stand, and didn’t see any water or bowls, but she saw the little guys’ bowls underneath. She stuck her head in the opening where her bowl would go, and tried to get her head down to the ground to the little bowls.
Matilda feels like a huge, nurturing cloud who was touching our lives, whispering along our edges and is now just slightly out of reach…just around the next corner…