A week after Matilda left us here on earth, I returned to work. Matilda’s friends/dog walkers returned to take care of her siblings, Livvie and Kessie, the kooky rat terriers. This is what Michael had to say on that first day (October 14th):
Michael cuddling with Matilda and Livvie.
“It’s going to take some time to get used to this. I hope your first day back felt somewhat stable. I know whenever I’ve thought of her in the past few days I remember that little gushy feeling I got when I saw her swing her head up at me for attention…Even the last time I saw her. It reminds me how even at her most painful and confused moments, she cared about sharing her love more than anything. I won’t soon forget her”.
Anthony wrote that he felt comforted that Matilda’s water bowls were still out, filled with water. He said it made him feel more “with her.”
Her bowls are still out, filled with water, a symbolic quenching of the spirit.
It made me realize how important that bowl stand had been. All through the chemo, Matilda was a little weak, and preferred being hand fed on the couch or her dog bed. I also cooked for her when she didn’t want dog food any more.
During chemo, Matilda was hand fed home-cooked meals.
When she finished chemo in June, she was happy to come to her bowl, and eat from it. She preferred dog food, and would come into the kitchen when she heard the spoon clank against the bowl, when I mixed the wet food in with the kibble. She would dance around a bit.
Matilda and Livvie gobbling their food.
In the last week of her life, she did the funniest thing. I was in the process of filling the small dogs’ water bowls which were under hers. I had just gotten to hers. She was thirsty, apparently, and went over to the bowl stand, and didn’t see any water or bowls, but she saw the little guys’ bowls underneath. She stuck her head in the opening where her bowl would go, and tried to get her head down to the ground to the little bowls.
Matilda drinking water from her own bowl.
Matilda feels like a huge, nurturing cloud who was touching our lives, whispering along our edges and is now just slightly out of reach…just around the next corner…
It is good to leave her things around. You can slowly put them away as you feel like, some things you may never put away. There is no rush.
Thanks Emma. You are very wise.
Sweet Matilda left paw prints on so many hearts.
Yes, she did.
Oh, what a lovely post. I had a hard time with that stuff after Abby was gone. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to put all her things away right away, or leave them out. I ended up putting some things away, as I was afraid if I left them out, they’d never get put away. Of course, then as fate would have it we got Rita right away (even though we said we’d take a long break!) so the toys and bed and feeder all came back out.
Those pics are very sweet of them eating together.
I’m sure she is watching out for you guys.
And she is always with you, in your heart.
And what a lovely comment you’ve made. It reminds me that often we make plans, and something else happens. I figure that I will leave her things out until it feels right to put them away. The little dogs like to use her big dog beds, and the bowls are fine out, filled with water.
Terry, that comment about Matilda always wanting to share love even at her most painful moments reminds me so much of Coby. At his sickest, i would sit on the floor with my big pregnant belly and just cry. And he would drag himself closer, comforting me. No regard for himself, just wanting his mom to be ok. I absolutely think thats why Coby and Matilda were so happy with each other. I like to think that they were so concerned with comforting us that when they were together, they comforted each other. As sad as it makes me to think of a time when Coby wont be here, i take immense comfort in knowing that his Mattie will be waiting for him.
Yes, both Coby and Matilda are incredibly sensitive pups. I’m hoping that Coby is the miracle boy. Mattie will wait !